Today, I am confused.

Yesterday, I went to a life-coaching session. I found out a lot about myself that I didn’t know.

I thought I was free. I thought I was liberated. It turns out I’m pretty fucked-up.

I love having my own sense of identity, feeling like I should express myself in everything I own and everything I create. From what I wear, to what I say and write, what pen I use (a blue ink parker with joined up writing, as opposed to a biro). And I thought this was an expression of myself. But it made me wonder, is it an expression of who I want to be? Am I merely dissatisfied with who I am, so that I feel I should cover it with flowers and nice clothes? I don’t even know.

So today I am going to accept my confusion. Insetead of my Topshop ‘gone fishing’ nail varnish… au natural. Instead of a pretty outfit, jeans and a hoodie. I feel comfortable. I feel confused. But I feel I have a lot of cleansing to do.

I want to be free and I want peace of mind, but more than anything, I want to be understood.

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